Jarryd Hayne To Join Hatchets

Jack G has the scoop on this week’s transfer speculation.

News broke early this morning that Jarryd Hayne has ended his stint with the Fijian 7s team and joined the Herston Hatchets. Despite the fact that he was on track to play in the Olympics, Hayne was said to be more excited to play in QIF’s Friday Premier league. Various sources had linked him with the Australian Olympic tennis squad after Nick Kyrgios (the only thing silent about him is the G) withdrew from the selection process. Others had suggested that Hayne has aspirations in the field of music, with reported sightings at The Voice blind auditions.

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Hayne performed a composition of his own, set to the music of Angus and Julia Stone and entitled ‘Big Jet Hayne’

However, an anonymous Hatchets insider revealed that Hayne would be donning the red and white of the Herston-based team for the remainder of the 2016 QIF season. Contacted on the issue, Hayne opened up:

“There has been a lot of speculation about my future in recent years. But I can now confirm that I am finally able to pursue my dream to play for the Herston Hatchets. Ever since I was a kid I dreamed of winning the QIF alongside my childhood hero Bjorn. I never thought I would get the opportunity, as I assumed Bjorn was now in an age-care home. So when my agent told me that Bjorn was still playing it was a chance I simply couldn’t pass up.”

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Bjorn going on a trademark run in the 1952 Premiership Hatchets team

When asked what else might have attracted Hayne to the Hatchets, he was keen to mention captain Steven Cecchi’s culinary skills.

“I’d be lying if I said that creamy carbonara sauce wasn’t a key factor in my decision. I’ve always said there are only three important things in life: food, family, NRL… NFL, Rugby 7s and the Hatchets.”

There remain a few finer details that are left to be sorted before Hayne takes the field, such as the medical students only policy employed by the Hatchets, but he maintains that this is not an issue.

“I’ve had a chat with the Hatchet’s 2nd assistant manager and 3rd wheel to the Simon and Steven show, Adam, and he showed remarkable understanding of my cause. We’ve gone through a couple of my US contacts and we’ve managed to arrange a position for me in the diploma of medicine offered by Trump Uni.” Hayne went on to add that a degree through the controversial institution actually worked out cheaper than going through Ochsner.

With that all sorted, questions remain over where Hayne will play on the park, especially with the centre-bench and water-boy positions already filled by the Korean Messi, Steve.

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Most people get either their own name or the name of their hero on their jersey, but Steve is not most people.

But Hayne has suggested he could be used anywhere on the park and went so far as to say he should be used everywhere.

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Hayne’s dream Hatchets XI – a rare insight into the mind of Jarryd Hayne. (Picture courtesy J. Hayne)

No matter when or where he takes the field, it will be interesting to see how this dramatic twist to the Hayne saga develops. One thing is for sure though – we think he has finally found his home at Hayne’s Hatchets.

The Hatchets will need every ounce of Hayne’s experience this Friday night when they take on third-placed Titans at Jack Speare Park. Tickets are still available.

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